Experiencing God - a little off track! :)

I wanted to share a truth I just realized in my own life, part of my testimony where now sitting where I am today and I am still excited, despite the crap the devil is throwing in the way. I WILL NOT fall for Satan's crap this time!
So, you are probably lost already because you don't know me well and cant read my mind so let me explain! A week ago today I found out that my father was arrested (again) and is now going to serve a 5 to 10 year sentence.

Now, Let me back track! 6 years ago I had to leave my softball scholarship and my college education to move back to Tulsa with my mom because my dad was arrested and went to prison. We lost my car, my dads car, the house we were living in, all the savings we had, because we tried to bail my dad out with all that money and come to find out he owed the attorney that much money so we were screwed, and pretty much all friendships we had ever had! (for me this is significant because Benny, my amazing husband now, was my only friend that stuck with me through all of this. everyone else that helped my mom and I were family and that's because well..... they just had to) So.... back then I felt sooo sorry for myself. We would sit around and be sad because we were totally broke, which I had NEVER experienced in my life. I remember I would just sit there and think "how could he do this to us?"

Which brings me back to last week! I had that same initial feeling about my dad... now he has a NEW wife and a NEW daughter, who is only 1 yr old. "How could he does this again?" And honestly I don't know the answer. I really feel like the devil has a HUGE grip on him. Its like in Romans 7:15-20 which says
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do , I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no,the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So, if those verses aren't confusing enough... that really sums up my dad in a nut shell. He KNOWS what he is doing is wrong, HE KNOWS IT! But he keeps on doing it because he doesn't want to give God complete control of his life.

Alright now to my point! Haha I have been studying this Experiencing God study and I am loving it so far! My favorite part of day 2 was the simple fact that if I am asking "What is God's will for MY LIFE?" that I am asking the wrong question, we should be asking "What is God's will?" once we can figure that out, we will find our place in His will and what we should be doing! :) Wow.... ok that's scary to me because I like a road map to show me exactly where I am going, what time I will arrive and who I will encounter. But I can't be like that any more! So that is where I am going with this whole DAD SAGA.... My life has had some complete U-Turns and I am still ok, in fact.... I am in such a better place in my life right now than I was 6 years ago when my dad went to prison! I really feel like that is a product of prayer from my mom, her friends and my family. But, I really feel like God showed himself to me. He still provided, even when I was questioning everything I knew about Him, because I had my dad's faith, not my own! He took care of my mom and I and wow...... to look at how far we have come in the past 6 years, thanks to the Lord providing for us!!!! It makes me sit here and cry because I am not sure that I have actually thought of EVERYTHING he provided. Wow!

So, right now, the road map for today is to seek the Lord's will, to listen through his small voice and to follow His spirit that lives in me! I am excited to see where I will fit into His Will...... anyone care to join me?!?!?!?!?

1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Ok, I have read this verse time and time again but it seems like every time I am going through a trial or temptation the devil distracts me so much that I completely forget this amazing promise the Lord has made to us :

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall. No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to us all. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Praise the Lord that he provides a way out!!!! Our God is so merciful! I am in total awe of this verse and this is going to be my own personal memory verse because I need this one hidden in my heart so no matter what tricks the devil tries he can't take this verse from me! There are many others but this is just the one that I have really needed the past few days so I wanted to share!!! This all just proves how true our church's, Eastwood Baptist Church, monthly memory verse is!!!

Eastwood's Memory verse for January:

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing spirit and soul, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart! Hebrews 4:12

The close of 2008

As I think about this year coming to an end I can sum the entire year up in one word..... GREATFUL!!!!
Wow, we have been so blessed over the last year to just really start life a new. An amazing church family who is there for us, Benny's new job which has been a blessing in so many different ways..... wow!!! yeah we are so blessed and the Lord just provided, not only for us but he has really provided for us so that we could reach out to other people! Now I have to be honest, I hated EVERY second of it when we had people living with us but hey, their lives have been changed and if we wouldn't have accepted them, who knows where they would be right now!!! So praise the Lord for my husband who is looking to serve the Lord in every single step he takes!!!
We have not only been blessed with our church family at Eastwood but we were able to meet Laura and Eric through soccer which was a blessing and made the soccer season a little more enjoyable!!! We have met a lot of new brothers and sisters in Christ through celebrate recovery and have been able to reach out to them in different ways over the past 6 months or so!

The Lord has just really opened my eyes to see that all the crap, the trials , the hurts and the mistakes I have made in my life are MY TESTIMONY!!! and I am finally understanding that being open and willing to share that with other people is POWERFUL! People are more willing to listen if you can tell them how God has SAVED YOU than if your just telling them they should do it because the Bible says! I am so greatful for my family, my friends and my amazing husband who is a servant of the Lord and an amazing leader for our family!! I thank God for him every day, he is a blessing to us!! :) He is not ashamed of anything he has been through and wow..... its pretty awesome to just be able to watch the holy spirit work through him to reach out to people!!!


We are blessed and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us in 2009!!! I pray that his will be done in our lives and yours as well!

Happy New Year and God Bless You!! :)

Christmas Meme

Ummm... ok So, I was tagged by my beautiful friend Dana.. and I have not a clue what I am doing so... here we go! lol

Christmas Meme!

1. 1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate! ok... anything with the word chocolate in it or remotely close to it... I am all for it! :)

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Unwrapped... come on now! who wants to wrap these huge odd shaped gifts!!!!!!

3. Colored light on house/tree or white? lights on the tree are white and no lights on the outside!!! come on now, we still live in the ghetto! Maybe some day the Lord will provide us with a nicer place!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? uh No! sorry! I get plenty of kisses from my hubby as it is! :)

5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the day after thanksgiving! This year I did it the day after thanksgiving and then my precious mother bought me new ornaments for my entire tree so... I RE-decorated last Thursday!!! Thanks mom!! :) It is beautiful! (If I was talented at photos, like my wonderful friend, I would put one of my tree on here! :)

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? hmmm.. well I love me some dessert but I would Have to say Broccoli Chesse Caserole made by my mother because my Cousin and I used to ALWAYS hide it under the table where all the food was so we could sneak it out after everyone ate and was full! :) hahaha good times!

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? I think the Christmas eve when our house flooded and we had to stay at Grandmas! I thought santa would NEVER find me and I was soooo upset! :) This is not to mention all my gifts that were under the tree my parents had bought were totally ruined because of the flood so I thought I had NO CHRISTMAS! (I think i was like 7 yrs old)

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I really don't know... sometime in elementary school, probably 3rd or 4th grade!

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Oh Yeah, every year we get Christmas pj's so on christmas eve everyone opens their pjs so we can all wear them that night! :)

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Well... chaos is how I would normally explain our tree! The kids make so many different things every year we just throw it all up there and the kids ALWAYS help me decorate so.. by the 5th year of us all doing it together. I try not to be too picky any more because I just stress myself out! it looks great no matter what! :)

11. Snow. Love it or dread it? LOVE it!!

12. Can you ice skate? well... I can, but i don't enjoy it! :)

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My favorite gift was when my 2 best friends and I got tickets to go see NSYNC and a limo ride and dinner and yay!!! that was awesome! the best ever!

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays for you? My Savior's birth!!!!

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? all the different cookies and chocolate covered things that my mom and I make! :)

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Probably the reindeer food we put out on christmas eve and every christmas morning Gator swears up and down he heard santas sleigh and then of course the advent tree that we have been doing as a family every day! The kids love it and really get into it! :)

17. What tops your Christmas tree? used to be a teddy bear dressed like an angel that my mom made but now I have a beautiful red star that my mommy bought!!!

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? GIVING! It can BE stressful, but by FAR the best part of Christmas. I LOVE to see them open up something I’ve found JUST for them! So if I give you something this year, LIKE IT!

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Mary Did You Know

20. Candy Canes. Yum or Yuck? Yum!!! I love some candy canes! :)

21. What do you want for Christmas? I want a laptop! (haha like thats going to happen) a new house, ummm new furniture... yeah pretty much a new house and everything new!!!! lol and i think my kids are asking for a lot! HEH!

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas party? well, aparently never before have we but this year we have a sunday school party, the youth dinner (WOO HOO) and Benny's company party ... all the same weekend and we cant take our kids to any of them! :) wow!!!

23. Do you dress up for Christmas Eve or wear PJ’s? We usually go to church with either my mom or the in laws so... we dress christmas casual!

24. Do you own a Santa hat? Of course, we all do because we HAVE to wear them when we go to the christmas parade down town! :) DUH!!!

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with? The Cosar family!!!

Now, I get to tag five others.
1) Laura at flores family
2) Heidi
3) Dana... umm I dunno what I am doing! lol
4)MiaBellaMomma at Paying It Forward
5) Jackie

The Wishlist for our ANGEL family!!!!

Ok, so here are the names, ages, sizes and wishlist for the family I mentioned in my pervious post! We would love any help to make this CHRISTMAS full of Christ's love for them and just open their eyes and ours to the real meaning of the season!

Jasmin - 14 yr old girl
wears size 3 in pants, medium shirts, and 6 in shoes!
Her wishlist consists of:
Taylor Swift guitar songbook
makeup
perfume
earbuds for her MP3 player
anything PINK!!!


Devon - 11 yr old boy
wears size 14 reg in pants, Large shirts and 8.5 in shoes!
model cars/planes
legos
magnetix

Serenity - 6 yr old girl
wears size 7/8 in shirts and pants and size 12 shoes
dress up clothes
anything disney princess
bath toys!


Adrian - 3 yr old girl
wears sizes 4/5 in shirts and pants and 8.5 in shoes
bath toys
anything DORA!!!!!

If you would like to help this family this season just let me know at cosarclan4@yahoo.com! we Would love any help and we just really want to show these kids and their mom that they are our brothers and sisters and Christ and the Lord blesses us in many different ways!!! I am really excited to see how the Lord is going to bless each and everyone who gives to this family as well as prays for this family during this difficult time! Thanks for your prayers and giving hearts!!! God Bless You!!!

Giving to Others!

ok so at Eastwood lately Gordon has been preaching about giving principles! So it has really been on my mind! THEN... on Monday night in a small group a met a lady named Tara. She is a sweet sweet lady who has been through a lot in her life so far but she is a greatful believer in Jesus and has a very strong faith. Just recently in September she gave birth to a baby boy and her chances of living through the birth was 10%. See Tara is on the waiting list for now only a liver transplant, but a heart transplant also. Praise the Lord she made it through the labor and the baby was healthy as well. She put him up for adoption because she knew she can't care for him right now. Tara has no income because of her health conditions and has 2 little girls!

SO.... HERE is where we all come in! I am going to get a wish list from the girls and anyone who wants to help out can do so!!!! If you would like to help please email me at cosarclan4@yahoo.com and i will get a copy of the wish list to you! Another family is already providing the christmas dinner for the family but I want to show them Christ love during this hard time! I know christmas isn't all about gifts under the tree but what better way to show the Love of our father for a family in need?!??!? If you can't help at this time I totally understand!!! Tara and her family need to be covered in our prayers so keep her family in mind and I will keep you updated! God Bless and Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Thankful

I am thankful today for my family! Thanksgiving is usually a hard time of year for me because my dads birthday is November 25th, so right around thanksgiving every year and for the last 4 years I have not had a thanksgiving with him. Originally it was because he was in prison and now.... well I won't go there! But last night at praise and prayer I was really convicted about all the bitterness I feel towards my dad and God just really spoke to me and showed me that without him I would not be where I am now, so for my dad I am truly thankful!
I am thankful for his love and support all throughout my childhood! My dad was my best friend and really made me a competitor but one that kept my priorities straight! He kept me in line, since he coached the football team in high school, he would always bribe his players so they would keep an eye on me! (thanks dad) He did EVERYTHING for me and for a good 10 years of my life I was an only child and he totally spoiled me rotten! I am very thankful for my dads love and friendship! I am thankful that he was there for me when I REALLY needed him and I pray that he can do the same for his new baby girl.
I am also soooo thankful for my hubby! He is amazing, He is my only friend that stuck right by my side throughout my dad going to prison and all of the drama that entailed! All of my other "friends" disowned me! But hey I am so thankful that the Lord allowed us to have a strong relationship to overcome many obstacles that have come our way and many more to come! I praise the Lord that he made Benny just for me and we have 3 amazing boys! I love you babe!!!
I am very thankful for my kiddos! They teach me something and encourage me to grow daily because they are doing the same!!!! They have their dads personality and love for everyone! I have to brag on my hubby again real quick, whenever we see someone stopped on the side of ther road or even in a parking lot, my kids are always like I think they need help! They are very observant and very willing to help someone in need because that is the amazing example Benny has set for them!
Finally I am thankful for my church family!!!! God is really moving and showing himself to us as a church family and if we are the body we have to keep our arms reaching, our hands healing and our words teaching! Pastor Gordon is a great encouragement, not only with his messages on evangelism but by his actions as well! We have some true servants of the Lord at Eastwood and I am so thankful for that! :)
Thank you father that you are who you are, you are who you have always been, who you will always be. Thank you for our body of Christ at eastwood, in our family, in tulsa, in the united states and in the world. I praise you today and give you all the glory for the many blessings in our lives! I thank you for choosing me, a sinner, to live for you and to share the good news of your son! I thank you for the most amazing sacrifice! Lord help me to keep my eyes, heart and mind open to the small sacrifices I can make to share your love with others! Lord I thank you for all the people you have put in our path and those who will be in the path tomorrow! Lord give me the strength and the confidence to step out on faith and allow your holy spirit to speak through me! thank you father for your unconditional love that saves me from my sins! In your sons Precious name , AMEN!