Experiencing God - a little off track! :)

I wanted to share a truth I just realized in my own life, part of my testimony where now sitting where I am today and I am still excited, despite the crap the devil is throwing in the way. I WILL NOT fall for Satan's crap this time!
So, you are probably lost already because you don't know me well and cant read my mind so let me explain! A week ago today I found out that my father was arrested (again) and is now going to serve a 5 to 10 year sentence.

Now, Let me back track! 6 years ago I had to leave my softball scholarship and my college education to move back to Tulsa with my mom because my dad was arrested and went to prison. We lost my car, my dads car, the house we were living in, all the savings we had, because we tried to bail my dad out with all that money and come to find out he owed the attorney that much money so we were screwed, and pretty much all friendships we had ever had! (for me this is significant because Benny, my amazing husband now, was my only friend that stuck with me through all of this. everyone else that helped my mom and I were family and that's because well..... they just had to) So.... back then I felt sooo sorry for myself. We would sit around and be sad because we were totally broke, which I had NEVER experienced in my life. I remember I would just sit there and think "how could he do this to us?"

Which brings me back to last week! I had that same initial feeling about my dad... now he has a NEW wife and a NEW daughter, who is only 1 yr old. "How could he does this again?" And honestly I don't know the answer. I really feel like the devil has a HUGE grip on him. Its like in Romans 7:15-20 which says
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do , I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no,the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So, if those verses aren't confusing enough... that really sums up my dad in a nut shell. He KNOWS what he is doing is wrong, HE KNOWS IT! But he keeps on doing it because he doesn't want to give God complete control of his life.

Alright now to my point! Haha I have been studying this Experiencing God study and I am loving it so far! My favorite part of day 2 was the simple fact that if I am asking "What is God's will for MY LIFE?" that I am asking the wrong question, we should be asking "What is God's will?" once we can figure that out, we will find our place in His will and what we should be doing! :) Wow.... ok that's scary to me because I like a road map to show me exactly where I am going, what time I will arrive and who I will encounter. But I can't be like that any more! So that is where I am going with this whole DAD SAGA.... My life has had some complete U-Turns and I am still ok, in fact.... I am in such a better place in my life right now than I was 6 years ago when my dad went to prison! I really feel like that is a product of prayer from my mom, her friends and my family. But, I really feel like God showed himself to me. He still provided, even when I was questioning everything I knew about Him, because I had my dad's faith, not my own! He took care of my mom and I and wow...... to look at how far we have come in the past 6 years, thanks to the Lord providing for us!!!! It makes me sit here and cry because I am not sure that I have actually thought of EVERYTHING he provided. Wow!

So, right now, the road map for today is to seek the Lord's will, to listen through his small voice and to follow His spirit that lives in me! I am excited to see where I will fit into His Will...... anyone care to join me?!?!?!?!?