Forgiveness!

Today I have a prayer request! My very first blog that started this whole page was about all the trials in my life that I have been through, thanks to my dad! I really feel like I have overcome a lot in my life already but this whole FORGIVENESS thing really kicks my butt! I think I have taken care of it but I know I haven't because as soon as I see a text from him, hear his voice, or just even the thought of him makes me angry! I really really don't like it because I want to think I have grown in my walk with the Lord, which I know I have, but this is totally dragging me back down. If I can't forgive my dad and really give that issue to the Lord than He can't really use me.
I guess I never realized how big of an issue it was in my life until today when my dad called asking where Benny works because he wants to apply there... and what was the first thing that Hannah did when she hung up with him??? Went to Benny's work and told his boss... there is a man named Richard he is applying through such and such... DO NOT HIRE HIM! ok wow Hannah, real good! I want the best for my dad and his new little family but.... I don't really feel it deep down in my heart and that is sooooooo wrong!
OK!!!! We have some friends that have been having an issue with some neighbors and Benny keeps quoting Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
so I am ok with that Lord but.... CAN I WATCH?!?!?!?!
No really, on a serious note, I need to give it up and I can't do it without prayer! So I am going to work on it and you pray for me because ummm.... I NEED IT! I want the Lord to use me more than ever because it is really exciting!!!!!!